I am typically a person that never remembers her dreams. I go to bed, sleep my 8 hours, forget to put my bite guard in and wake up refreshed in the morning. Lately, I've had some good, doozie dreams that I remember in the morning.
Last night I dreamed that I received a box in the mail from my grandpa. It had some cutouts from some newspapers (typical Grandpa fashion) and a letter from him and and some old photos. I could see his handwriting in the notes. It was very vivid and I remember feeling excited about hearing from him.
Then in the dream, I realized that he was gone...that he had died. I began sobbing really with my whole heart. It was like I was grieving his death all over again.
I woke up suddenly this morning after pushing snooze a couple of times to a phone call from a friend that was stopping by to drop of some things. I quickly jumped out of bed to brush my teeth and make myself look presentable. I was standing outside of my apt building waiting for him when my dream came rushing back. I felt like I was being hit by a city bus.
I was talking to Gabo this morning about this and I feel that because I am not in Indiana, it is easy for me to not grieve because right now in Mexico my grandpa is not really absent from my life. It has happened a couple of other times that I have been doing something and I remember that he is no longer on the earth. I think, "how can I be so stupid and forget that he's dead?" It just doesn't make any sense.
I think everyone grieves differently. There are a lot of contributing factors to grieve as well...emotional connection to the person, physical distance, the past relationship, etc all effects the way we deal with it. We weren't necessarily close he and I but he has been a fixture in my life forever.
I am grateful for my last memories with him alive. I am grateful that I did all I could do to show him that I loved him. And I am thankful that Jesus is real and He knows grief and loss and he can sympathize with me.