So I have been frustrated lately. I have watched people struggle with a substance or something having a hold on their life for all of mine really. In different ages, I deal with it in different ways. Addictions affect everyone.
Being a lover of pop culture, I have taken note that my girl Lindsay Lohan lately has had another dirty drop (that is what they call it in the police bus...) and it looks like she might be marching her little tordi back to jail. I mean, did she think that cocaine wasn't going to show up? Did she think she was immune to justice?
I don't know Lindsay personally but there are plenty I do know. I think that we use substances, sex, reputation, etc to make us feel different. The Bible in Ephesians talks about not being drunk on whine but being filled with the Spirit. In fact it is a command... BE FILLED. And my girl Beth Moore described it as that we feel different when we are empowered by the Spirit just like when you are drunk you are little out of your element as well. I think we just look for other thinks to make us feel different. But the buzz always wears off.
I have seen the addiction train come to a screechy halt in front of my face this week. A couple of weeks ago I heard about a 17 year old girl who lived under a bridge with a bunch of people and she just happened to be 5 months pregnant. Now, unborn babies pull a heart string with Mrs. Hernandez. I felt compelled to see her. So I went to where she was living with some friends to see what she was going to do. Old girl does NOT LOOK 5 months pregnant and she has no plan. Me and Lolis went back this week to find her. It was a day that she could leave the facility so she leaves with some friends and immediately starts using Activo (an inhalant that is like paint thinner that people put on kleenex and sniff through their mouths). I watched her eyes gloss over and I looked at her stomach and thought of that baby...it broke my heart.
I realized that I can't help people that don't want to help themselves. And honestly, addicts make me angry. Please, be more selfish. You think only about yourselves and the temporary high that you need to feel. You want to be in a pit without hope and no direction because you will choose a drug over knowing people and truly loving yourself.
I am not cut out for street kid ministry. It sucks. I am so grateful that God calls others there but it is not my calling.
If you are struggling with an addiction, please get help. You are ruining your relationships, you have made your priority something that cannot bring you satisfaction. You are missing a life that you were made to live.